Nobody Ever Died of Laughter
by Tsuki Yuuki
Summary: 20 things on Naruto's life. For some, the road begins in Konoha. For Naruto, that's where the road ends.  Written in the style of LJ's 20truths community. Gen, character studyish. Timeskip spoilers. [Are warnings still needed for those?]


**Disclaimer:** I do not own in part or full any aspect of Naruto. This is the property of Kishimoto Masashi-sensei, his relevant partners and subsidiaries. I do own all original aspects of this fanfiction including but not limited to original characters and plot. This fanfiction has been published at no profit, purely for the enjoyment of the fans and the collective good of the series.

**Nobody Ever Died of Laughter**

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1. Naruto is five years old the first time he notices the looks that the other villagers give him. He goes home to his new apartment where everything is too big and too high and too quiet—because at least there were other kids around him at the orphanage, even if they wouldn't play with him—and spends the next hour standing on a chair he dragged into the bathroom, examining his face in the mirror.

At the end of the hour, he still can't figure what makes them hate him.

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2. Naruto is nine years old when Umino Iruka takes over his class, though he doesn't know that the teacher Iruka-sensei replaces is leaving because he refuses to continue teaching the Kyuubi vessel.

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3. The first thing Iruka-sensei says to Naruto in private is after class on the Friday of his first week. He asks Naruto to stay behind, and then offers to help him with his reading. He doesn't mention that he knows the reason Naruto can't read is because his teachers refused to teach him.

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4. Of all the things Iruka-sensei has ever taught Naruto, his ability to read is the second most precious to him.

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5. The first is what Iruka-sensei taught him about bonds.

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6. "The bond between the people important to you ever since birth and the string that binds them becomes thicker and stronger as time goes by." Naruto lives for these words even more than he lives for his dream of becoming Hokage.

A Hokage is nothing without bonds.

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7. The day Sasuke left was one of the top three worst days of Naruto's life. The day he discovered that the Akatsuki had kidnapped Gaara is another. The day Gaara died would have made it, too, except that Chiyo-baa-sama brought him back. It was still a crappy day, though. The day the Sandaime died is the third.

Some would think it surprising that the day he discovered he held the Kyuubi inside him isn't one of the three, but his friends know him better. That day was the day he found out why people hated him, but it was also that day he discovered that Iruka-sensei liked him despite his connection to the Kyuubi. That was the day he obtained his first precious person.

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8. Naruto is sixteen the day he finally becomes a chuunin, eighteen when he becomes a jounin, and he joins the ANBU at nineteen.

Six months later, he and his teammates Haruno Sakura, Sai, and Hyuuga Neji bring a bloody, unconscious, victorious Uchiha Sasuke back to Konoha. This marks Sasuke's permanent return to Konoha and the end of the Akatsuki.

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9. Naruto is one of those assigned as Sasuke's guards during his first two years back in Konoha.

Naruto knows it isn't really necessary. With Itachi dead, Sasuke no longer has a reason to leave the village. Tsunade knows it, too, but she follows the protocol anyway. It ended up being the least she could do to assign as guards people who knew him, though more for their sake than Sasuke's.

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10. The day Sasuke is finally accepted as a full Leaf ninja again is the day Tsunade announces her successor.

Naruto is twenty-one when he discovers he will become the Rokudaime Hokage, and Tsunade gave him the best gift possible.

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11. When Naruto finally realised that his dream was actually coming true, he was in the middle of sparring with Sasuke and he sat down right where he stood.

The fact that he sat down in the middle of a pond and ended up soaking wet is something that nobody will ever let him live down.

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12. Naruto's biggest surprise at his inauguration as Hokage was when he entered the office—his office—for the ceremony and found Sabaku no Gaara and both of his siblings there. Everybody had worked to keep it a secret from him, and Naruto teared up a little as the full extent of how much he loved his friends washed him.

Then Lee exploded into excited declarations of all sorts and Naruto couldn't help but laugh. He had apparently been holding it in ever since it was decided to keep Gaara's trip a secret, and Naruto was almost surprised he made it.

Almost.

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13. Naruto's first few months as Hokage are full of tests. The Council tests his temper and patience and diplomacy (he has Hinata advise him on that), the villagers test his willingness to protect them, and some of his subordinates test the limits of how much they can get away with ignoring him.

He passes them all with flying colours. The Council learns that he really isn't as dumb as he seems, the villagers learn that he really will defend them to his death, and his subordinates learn that trying to ignore him will get them the most annoying and dirtiest missions.

Or pranked.

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14. Naruto refuses to assign his shinobi missions that may be beyond their capabilities just because he's angry with the way they're treating him, because he knows that that won't help.

Besides, the pranks really are a lot more satisfying.

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15. Naruto understands now that no matter how much he hates it and what it stands for, the Hyuuga Clan seal is necessary for the protection of the bloodline limit.

That's why he immediately approves Hinata's plan to make the seal mandatory for **all** Hyuuga Clan members.

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16. When Naruto and Gaara decide they need to have a permanent, live-in diplomatic envoy in each other's villages, Naruto decides to send Aburame Shino and Gaara sends Matsuri, his first student.

The next time Naruto and Gaara meet for trade negotiations and to reaffirm their alliance, they spend all night swapping stories of their adventures with their respective diplomats.

Shino's kikaichu are apparently very similar to a poisonous breed of beetle found in Suna and have caused several small-scale panics, and Matsuri can't understand for the life of her the obsession that so many of the toughest shinobi in Konoha seem to have with babies.

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17. When Naruto is twenty six, Hatake Kakashi retires from active duty. At forty, he's been serving Konoha as a chuunin or higher for thirty four years and has lost many of his precious people; Naruto can easily justify granting him his retirement.

It still feels like the end of an era.

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18. Naruto sees all his of friends age much faster than he seems to age himself. Tsunade says that the Kyuubi will keep his body young for years and years to come.

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19. When Jiraiya dies, Naruto isn't surprised that Tsunade dies only weeks after him. He was her last love.

He doesn't cry at their funerals, and doesn't mope around, because he knows they'd return from the grave just to kick his ass into gear if he did.

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20. Naruto never leaves Konoha, not really. Even after his precious people's grandchildren and great-grandchildren have grown, he only ever leaves for a few months at a time.

For some people, the road begins in Konoha.

For Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha is where the road will always end.

_-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-_

_fin_

_-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-_

I requested Naruto on the 20truths LiveJournal community, and I wrote this even though I never got a response saying that my claim was accepted—I checked and discovered that the last time they accepted a claim was in the beginning of March this year, and there's been a tonne of claims made since then. In other words, I decided not to wait for something that didn't seem like it was going to happen anytime soon.

Also, the reason I decided to post this instead of working on my 1500 word book review for Creative Writing that's due in five days (most of which I am away for), or studying the passé composé for my French test tomorrow is that today, October tenth, is Naruto's birthday!

Lame reason, I know. XD But happy birthday, Naruto, and anyone else who has a birthday to day. :)


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